Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Upside, Inside-Out

Holy Macaroni---

Oh my goodness gracious--

Oy jeesh--

Yikes!

Oh for the love of Pete and his mother!!

Okay Pablo- even if you did miss class last week to go to a soccer game and so you didn't know we had homework what should you have done? huh? What should you have done? No, seriously! Do you think you should have asked me "Hey Profe- what did I miss last week?" or do you think you should have come to class, goofed around, and given Juan a purple nurple until he punched you-- RUBEN DO NOT TOUCH JUAN'S NIPPLE!!

These are a few little things I've been known to say in class these last few weeks.. that last one was all in one breath to the kid who was laying on the floor holding his crotch and crying because Juan had had enough and punched him "in the front of his pants"- which is how I had to explain it later. And, yes, some might say that I was perhaps being a little antagonistic to this kid- but it may make it better if you realize that he didn't understand a single mother-loving word of it.

So- needless to say-- it's been quite a week. I'm laughing now, but this is crazy. I have no idea why I'm here. Earlier this week I started looking up lesson plans from last year student teaching and realized that when the kids can sit down for more than 5 minutes you can actually do a LOT! I can't believe I used to complain about the kids at Florin and their lack of motivation! Then, after the purple nurple incident I was ready to come home. I called my mom to tell her to buy me a plane ticket. But what it really comes down to is two things: (are two things?): 1) the kids are really really really really bad. 2)It's really hard to be a part of a different culture. I am feeling so strongly about immigrants now-- being foreign is constant and exhausting, and I don't think most people would CHOOSE to live such a frustrating life unless they really had to. This is making me really really want to come home and work with immigrants and provide some sort of respite for them. Someone told me today that "We're foreigners and they should be kissing our feet to be here." I, on the other hand, tend to feel the opposite. Everything I do reflects on all of us and all of our culture. My anger is unjustified and unpolite. I am a guest in this country.... and imagine being a guest for four months!! It's definitely a drag.

However- complaining aside-- things are kind of going okay. Tiring for sure, but I'm starting to get a handle on a few things. No matter how angry and foreign I feel, I still love being the only non-Ecuadorian, or only American in a situation. The other week I went to la Parque Carolina to watch a friend play intermural soccer, and it was too much fun to be in Ecuador watching a local inter-mural soccer game and chatting with the Argentian professional player who came to unofficially scout and root for some friends. Mostly we chatted about how I had no idea what was going on, and then I asked him what a yellow card was-- but in my defense, Argentinians have a weird accent and I didn't understand him. Also- some of my students are starting to come to talk to me about their lives-- their parents or boyfriends or girlfriends or friends. They've taken to hanging out in my room during breaks to play Uno or practice their dance competition choreography or tell me about how Christian Guzman has dated all the 9th grade girls whose names start with M, so they call him "4M Guzman".

Plus- the other week I took my 9th graders outside to play American football on the condition that they all spoke English- well- they played Ecua-football, which was just soccer with a football.. there's a snap, and a play, but when the person with the ball gets stuck or something, they can throw it to whoever they want, who can then pass it to whoever they want, until they score a goal. At one point one of my kids (no matter how many times I tell them "TWO-HAND TOUCH") tackled me and left me with a HUGE bruise on my leg and arm-- which was fine.. it was just funny. But whenever anyone asks me "Teacher- what happened?" I tell them "Paolo Caicedo- that's who--" and he turns all red. Of course- nothing in this story would be even mildly appropriate in an American middle school, but everyone is very touchy here and (as long as you're appropriate which, HELLO, I always am) there's no problem!

Speaking of touchy- I promised a quick explanation of how Ecuadorian boys can't keep their hands off each other- and here are some examples. The other week I was teaching, and as it's virtually impossible to keep them in their seats, occasionally I turn a blind eye to two boys or two girls sharing a seat because they're sharing a book or something. However, this time I had to stop in the middle of what I was saying to watch as one boy sat on the other one's lap and STROKED the other one's hair while they discussed what the answer to #7 was or, more likely, who their favorite football player is and why the Barcelona team sucks. However, I'd rather have them caress each other than pull out each other's armpit hair or, as above mentioned, give each other purple nurples and engage in crotch-punching defenses. The point is- there's no taboo about touching here- no one thinks twice. Even in such a homophobic culture (as I've been told Latin cultures tend to be, though I have never personally witnessed anything) no one thinks twice about it. The girls are a little tougher. My who-I've-made-cry count as of today is: 9 boys 0 girls.

On the other hand, some little boys are the same in all countries. Yesterday I was playing The Beatles for my 5th graders because they know a lot of the songs and they like to sing along, and one of the lines was about kissing, so I teased one of the boys who's always causing trouble "Matiz- in a couple years you're going to have a girlfriend, and you're going to kiss her just like in the song" and he dry heaved on the floor for a minute while his friends laughed- then looked at me very seriously and quizzically and said (in English no less) "No. Ok. I kiss her one time so she marry with me-- but no again." While- at the exact same time another boy had found a picture of Meg Ryan and her adopted (apparently) Asian daughter and was pointing at it asking "Teacher Margaret, Teacher Margaret! Mistake of science?" Which- between the two of them- both being deathly serious- I almost fell on the floor from laughing.

One more silly one that will only be funny if you don't really speak Spanish- but the word in Spanish for "annoy, bother, or tease" is "molestar"-- so when my kids try to speak in English they'll tell me "Teacher! He molest me!" at which point (at least for the 9 year olds) I need to vaguely, but seriously, impress upon them that that is NOT the correct word, without giving too much explanation as to WHY.

So- I'm off to make salad dressing and be in bed by 9:30. Let me tell you, Ricky Martin knew what he was talking about-- because if this isn't "La Vida Loca" I really don't know what is.